Cut.. Reset, back to one.

There was something about that last take that just isn't working. I thought it was going in the right direction! But, clearly I was mistaken. No. I need to take it somwhere else. Something much different. Wow. I need a coffee break.. Take five everybody!!

So much time thinking this was right, how could I be so dumb? All towards the final show, I suppose. So.. fuck. What do I do now? Well, since we're already set up, we'll go ahead and finish up the scenes here that don't pertain to.. that. But what about the gaping fucking hole it leaves in the script? We can't just have it disappear and tell the rest of the story without it. Then what's the point of the whole fucking movie? Damn. Maybe we can leave it open. It will be like an anti-love story. All you need is.. work? Agh.. boring. I'll get booed out of Hollywood. Of course, people hated Orsen Wells.. but I still can't stand him.
Hmm.
Ok. I'll think about how to fill this in later. Hopefully it will just appear like an angel before me and slap me across the face. (Dear God, please let this solution appear before me like an angel and slap me across the face, if this is what I need.. If not, please help me find it)
OK EVERYONE, LET'S GO!! We're taking it from...

FADE OUT

Been a long time..

Been a long time since my last post; no food, no water, miles and miles of desert and not a Starbucks in sight.
Wait, wrong blog.
Lying on my bed, unwinding and thinking: about people, and things, and people and things I think about. And why I'm thinking about them. Should I be thinking about them?
I am, so no sense in worrying about it. But the questions still remains: should I keep thinking about it?
I don't want to be crazy for this. For something in my head that isn't there. That's when it hit me. I remembered being crazy for something that wasn't there, for so long. Something that I thought was there and then disppeared. I still never got a good view of exactly what happened, but know it was bad. And reliving it over and over and over again. Never working.. But why? I've still never been able to answer that question.
So the issue came to me, I've been thinking about something, a lot. (I will refrain from anything farther than 'anything', because this is on the internet.
Ive been thinking a lot about something lately. This something has been implanted in my brain since it's introduction to my life. I felt a shockwave of previously unexperienced porportion. What can you do in a shockwave? Stand awed. Then what? I was too distracted to be ready for such a moment. I thought about faking ready, (subconsciously of course, I had no idea I wasn't) but decided against any pursuit. A very unique and specific feeling told me I needed to just think about it for a while. And maybe write about it.
So I did. I thought about it, and wrote about it, off and on in obsessive cycles of uncontrollable urges and meditations. It wouldn't leave my mind. Even when I made myself stop thinking about it. And Ive gotten good at that over the years. It kept coming up, like all the times it did before with the other thing!! The same thing!!!
Unbelievable.
So after much thinking and a enough writings about the thing that wasn't there, the thing is coming back (that sounds a bit insulting if you have any idea what I'm talking about, sorry) The thing is coming back into the rhelms of possibility, after long individual growth and time alone in reflection and pondering. Which is indeed very exciting! But freaky just the same. For I have no idea what the other side of this thing look like. Does it resemble the side I can see? Surely it is not the same, an organic form involving seperate entities. But do the angles on the other side add up to complete a full being that truly exists? Or is the thing I see an illusion of mental energies molded and formed to resemble that which I desire?

Patience is key in solving this mystery.

2/1/05